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Saturday, March 20, 2010

14th birthday

I had a lovely birthday yesterday, and i am 101% thankful to all my friends for being so wonderful, and to those people who i rarely talk to that wished me happy birthday on facebook. and my parents actually remembered it was my birthday by the time i went to violin, so they bought me a cake. my dad didn't go to china for other reasons, but i'm glad that he was here.

Despite all this, i still wish to stop aging. I would have wished for that yesterday, but it's kind of stupid to wish to stop turning old on the day you're officially one year older. I guess I have a fear of getting old. Everyday I think about how I can never relive the previous day. Or year. I wish I could stay 13 forever.

I like hugs, though. (=

Friday, March 12, 2010


I find that often times I expect too much of myself. I guess you can say that I am an overachiever. Or, that I want to be. There is so much that I want to do with my life, time can't seem to slow down for me to do those things.

But distractions such as the internet keep me from accomplishing what I want to do. Although it's a small thing, Facebook lengthens the time it takes me to do homework by a long time. And after I'm finally done, late at night, I yell at myself internally for making such a bad decision, looking up someone's profile when I should be finishing up geometry. I tell myself not to do that again, but find myself in the same position 24 hours later. Why? Sometimes, it's not that I don't try to stay away. I really do. I locked myself in my closet last night and turned off the internet connection on my laptop hoping that peace and quiet would help me efficiently do history homework. However, I realized that distractions have become a habit for me. I can't concentrate on the task anymore. I have to do something after each math problem. My focus and attention span are going downhill.

So the guilt increases, day by day.

And now I'm stressed because I procrastinate. I know it's normal for many people. However, part of my New Year's Resolution for the year of 2010 was to not procrastinate. Yet, I am now overwhelmed with projects, tests, piano CM test, band festival, social...

Things never seem to end. I wonder when, if the time ever comes, that I find myself with nothing to do but achieve all the goals I write down for myself.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

some things

there are some things
i wish to forget,
but then i think
about how different life would be
if these things did not happen.
so i find myself grateful
for these events,
and i realize that
that is all i can do
about some things.

hey, i'm actually pretty proud of myself for coming up with this!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


maybe i really AM bipolar, like vivian says.
i change my mind often. maybe i just think too much. i worry frequently as well, contrary to what many people think.

haha, okay bye.