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Saturday, June 26, 2010


So, my sister left to Las Vegas today, and she's taking a flight from there to France tomorrow. )=

I have no [exciting] plans for tomorrow, monday, tuesday, wednesday, or thursday. Just the usual- possibly guzheng w/ Pearl tomorrow, piano on Monday, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON TUESDAY, volunteering on Wednesday and Thursday. OOH maybe I will get to see the [hopefully] cute guy whose shift is before mine on Thursday. Must get there early! Friday morning I'm helping on Kay in the office at School. OH YEAH, I'm helping out Mr. G on Thursday with Paul? and then I have violin later on, and the same stuff repeats over and over again for the next couple months of summer.

Now that Jie ji's gone, there's no one to take me to the beach out of no where. No one to take me shopping just because. No one to distract me from this loneliness. )=

Friday, June 25, 2010

how fast things change

It's absolute craziness, how things can change so FREAKING FAST!

I grow so far apart from people in the period of a two months, that I don't even know them anymore. And I don't necessarily I don't mean it in a bad way, but it still shocked me when one of my closest friends last month commented on some girl's picture, "damn, she's cute ;]". GROSS! Maybe I'm just jealous/mad because I don't like that girl. Or because he has the time to comment on random people's pictures, but not to talk to me )= .

But I knew things were going to change, so I really shouldn't be surprised.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


-going to the beach to the beach in half an hour
-gonna sleep at the beach and hope seagulls don't steal my stuff
-missing YOU!
-just kidding, probably not you.
-but if the YOU i'm thinking about is reading this, then yes i miss you x50,000
-going to read Endless Summer: Two irresistible boys. One unforgettable summer. on the beach LOLOLOL.
-going to memorize my Cerritos Library volunteen pin number and passcodes for tomorrow.
-wearing my roxy bikini for the first time. yumyumyum

Monday, June 21, 2010


This post is dedicated to Tiffany Hoe....

Tiffany: haha ur blogs are so interesting...expecially your rants..
  :) Tiffany's new status message - summer solstice..long day indeed   3:57 PM

23 minutes
4:16 PM me: oh thank you
  it's summer solstice??

32 minutes
4:48 PM Tiffany: yea today
4:49 PM me: coool
4:50 PM Tiffany: get my status?
  long day indeed
  hahahahah im so funny
 me: yes
 Tiffany: (even if you dont think its funny...go with it..)
  you're funny tiffany

SO YUP, it's summer solstice! and YES, I learned about it in science during astronomy this past year... longest day of the year. 'Twas a great day to have a graduation party. (=

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I found my phobia...

Fear of...

Old, growing- Gerascophobia or Gerontophobia

...from the Indexed Phobia List



So I am going to let myself over-think things this summer...

I've been working towards filling my summer with so many activities so that I don't have a lot of time to think, but recently realized that, if I'm always out and about, my summer would go by very quickly. Too quickly. Should I try to slow it down? But I don't want to be bored... I want to hang out with my friends everyday and go places and have fun. I guess I need a fair amount of everything. I am such a complicated person!

Everything I'm doing this summer, big and small:

- Alg. 2 classes @ whs
- Cerritos College
- lots of Cerritos Library volunteering
- lots of Key Club volunteering
- Band Camp later
- WEB meetings later (reminder: reread 7 habits)
- writing LOTS of reviews for
- lots of piano
- lots of violin
- some saxophone
- lots of keeping my room clean
- lots of journal-ing
- lots of being nice to mama, let her think she controls me, don't be out past 9 pm, clean kitchen

This summer is going to be a big transition for me... last summer, I was still more like a 7th grader. I was more 7th grade-ish up until probably November or December 2009. And then, I don't know what happened... but now I'm feeling more and more freshman-y. I don't like it. I like the hanging out with friends and having a better social life part, but I don't like the fact that I'm older. Maybe it's just that I don't know what is in store for me, or is it because of more responsibility? Am I not mature enough? I don't know. "Summer before 9th grade" just sounds a lot bigger than "summer after 7th grade". When I was entering 8th grade, I didn't realize how important the year would be... It's really the last year to be a kid. =/

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Really a High School-er.

Cindy Li it still doesn't really feel like the end of school

57 minutes ago

                             me: yes yes

 t________r: LOL
 me: middle school is over
 me: omg
 t________r: YOU"RE A HIGH SCHOOLER!
12:43 AM me: NOOO

Sent at 12:43 AM on Saturday

12 minutes ago ·

Cindy Li i am definitely going to regret being awake this late/ early tomorrow. -________-
i realized that 45 minutes after 12 AM though... i think i shall sleep now.

14 minutes ago 

Cindy Li you said you wanted to talk, but i think you knocked out like an hour ago... in case you didn't get my IM,
me: FUCK WE'RE IN HIGHSCHOOLNOOOOOO Sent at 12:43 AM on Saturday

13 minutes ago ·

Thursday, June 17, 2010

One of the Best Days of My Life

I will always remember...

During English, my 2nd-to-last 8th grade comprehensive exam, Jinnie and Derrick invited me to go watch The A-Team at Cerritos Towne Center after school...

After a frustrating 2 hours of difficult geometry and trigonometry problems that I couldn't bring myself to care about, Jinnie and I left the school to my house to get money, look up movie times, and look at the COW Bus schedule. Jinnie planned to leave from the WHS graduation at 5:20 to take a ride home. So the two of us walked to Towne Center, and made a bee-line for Tapioca Express- our delicious lunch of just Milk Tea and Thai Tea Boba. We went in the theater at around 1:40, after the movie had already started, sneaking in our bobas with us. We moved down a few rows from the top, to where Manas, Ian, Edward Shin, Derrick, Darren, Sam, Curtis, and whoever else I missed, were sitting. The movie was pretty good. It was funny, though confusing at some parts!

Anyhow, graduation was starting at 4:00 PM, and Jinnie and I were going to try to make it back to Whitney at that time, but SOMEBODY AKA. DERRICK LIN had a little trouble deciding whether or not to attend. After a wasted 12 minutes or so of trying to convince him to, he ended up hanging out with his friends at Shadow Park instead. I'm not upset that he chose to do this, but I'm just saying that he can hang out with his friends any day, but there's only one Class of 2010 Graduation ever.

Jinnie and I finally arrived at school around 4:20 PM. We sat with Jarick and Jimmy in the shade, and watched those valedictorians make their speeches. Later, we moved to around the front/middle area to sit on the grass and take better pictures. Vince waved at me from his chair.
Although the ceremony was simple, and there wasn't any food, it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. Around two hundred-something white chairs seated students, teachers, parents, friends, and relatives celebrating and mourning the end of high school for the 2010 Ninjas. I watched them turn their tassels to the left of their caps, showing that they had officially graduated. Mr. Brent gave the best speech ever. He used Disneyland as a metaphor for life. It was great. I hope I choose the straight path towards Fantasyland forever.

I never cared much for our Alma Mater, but seeing the seniors sing it for the last time together, with their arms around each other, made me realize how much those lyrics meant...

Whitney High School is our pride
Our hopes and dreams abound
Whitney's family by our side
With friendships we have found.
Strive for nothing but the best
For here we'll surely find
Memories to last a lifetime
Hail to Whitney High!

(Okay, I admit, I had to search the words on wikipedia. I haven't memorized it yet )= ) 

Afterward, an airplane flew overhead with a big sign that read, "CONGRATULATIONS WHITNEY HS 2010! <3" Sorry, my crappy camera couldn't get a picture of the sign. AND YES, THERE REALLY WAS A HEART

There was so much joy and sadness, I couldn't keep my tears in. Everyone was either laughing or crying, and it was so beautiful. No matter how long I knew this day was coming, nothing could have emotionally prepared me for.. everything. I can only describe the day as beautiful. Jarick and I stayed until we were the last ones at school. I watched the crowd die down to return home to their families, and probably watch the Lakers game tonight.
This isn't even my graduation, and I'm already so torn about it. Two years ago, my mom and I went to the end of graduation, because we saw the fireworks from my house. Back then, I watched them do the same as the seniors did this year, but I really didn't care. I didn't know Whitney. I didn't know any of those people. What will it be like for me in 4 years? Jarick and I walked down the red carpet of where the seniors walked to see how it felt. It didn't feel like anything, really. In 4 years, we will be graduating in the new multi-media center. Wow. And the tears keep coming, every time I think of the future...

Jarick, Jimmy, and I took pictures when we were sitting on the bleachers, just staring at everyone hugging each other, or actually, Jimmy looking for hot girls -____- .  We vowed that for our graduation, we will stand in that same place and take a picture. ^_^

Final Realization of the Day:
I wasn't too sad about "graduating" elementary school. Why? Because, for my entire life long, I was told, and I knew I would be going to Whitney High School for the next 6 years. I was certain about that. Now, when I think about graduating Whitney, I don't know what's coming for me afterwards, and I guess that's what scares me. I've never liked surprises.

While I was walking through Whitney to get home, Mr. Glonchak re-opened the gate to let me out, and I wailed that I would be them in 4 more years. He kind of chuckled, but agreed that 4 years would go by too quickly...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


i always feel like sleeping nowadays. I want to go back to sleep as soon as a wake up. I get sleepier after an hour of consciousness. I'm tired for the rest of the day. Why? I've been like this since.... April 22. haha, yes i remember the exact date.


Monday, June 14, 2010

mama's comin' home

jie ji is picking up mama from the airport right now. she's been in china for 2-3 weeks?

and i'm still annoyed as ever!
i hate that my mood changes because of tiny things and people. how did i come to be so dependent? agghh.

it's really pathetic.

i hate that i'm so self-conscious.

dear me,
DUDE JUST STOP OVERTHINKING IT! AND JUST DO IT! WHY DO YOU ACT WEIRD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT! AALSJHASLKDF. STOP IT. you only have a few more days. just do whatever. remember how fun aloha dance was, even though not a lot of your friends went? it was because you just let loose and just went for it and didn't care what ppl thought of you and your PRO DANCING SKILLS. SO STOP THINKING. OKAY!


Sunday, June 13, 2010


my new kind of favorite song (=
i saw it on someone's blog, and it made me remember how much i like colbie caillat's voice.

REAAALIZE. haha it's like the song of my blog.

I hate it when..

people delete their blogs!!!

why!! you started it, don't just delete everything you've written in the past bajillion years!!

even if you're not gonna write anymore, just leave it, don't delete it! WHYYYYYY

Thursday, June 10, 2010


as stressed-out as i am right now, i'm still pretty happy. i don't know why, i'm just happy tonight. but i will still complain and whine about how much my life sucks right now.


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

next year...

Even though I KNOW my schedule is going to be really tight next year because of Yearbook, MUN, Band 1st period, and my instrument stuff, I know I will have a great year. I can feel it. I'm excited. I feel like shouting, BRING IT ON!

Monday, June 7, 2010

So I told my dad...

the other day that I realized that there would probably never again be a time in my life where I really have nothing to do. No obligations, nothing to worry about or stress over, and just time to relax without feeling guilty for not working.

...and he just said, "Well, yeah".

FML. Why didn't I appreciate being a little kid more.

undecided feelings!

i wanna go to college!
10:48 PM me: me too!me: i'm already tired of this )=
  i hate cerritos
  it's so boringme: there's never anything to do
  i want to move to new york
10:51 PM me: but i also don't like cold weather

I don't know anymore. I always thought I dreaded college. I never really wanted to go... until I just said it just now. I guess I do want to move away. I do love New York. I think I would like it there. But I've always felt safe here, at home, and I always thought I would go to Stanford. But maybe I'm changing my opinions, like how I suddenly wanted to drive, when I always thought it was terrifying. I guess I just want to be free. 
Right now, I really can't imagine 4 more years at Whitney. HOLY HOLY HOLY. I always thought it would go by in a flash, like the last two years did. But now that I think about it, 4 years IS  pretty long time, doing the same thing, year after year. OMG I'M TURNING INTO MICHAEL AND ISAAC, WHO WANT TO GO TO CERRITOS HIGH NEXT YEAR. 
I don't think straight when I'm lacking sleep.
  Picture of me at around age 9. I don't remember it at all, but I found it saved in my dad's hard drive... 

Sunday, June 6, 2010


so everything was going okay. My sister, brother-in-law, Dad, and I were driving home from restaurant.... we were passing by an intersection with a gas station, and I saw this little dog, all alone, walking around on the sidewalk next to the station. I asked everyone if we could stop and pick it up. Colosseum and Daddy were both like, "nooo blah blah blah" and I got really upset, but I didn't further try to stop the car. I should have. I feel so guilty. It could have gotten run over!!

When we got home, Jie ji asked me if I wanted to go back to look for it. So we went back. She said she was too chicken to stop the car at the time (she was driving) because Daddy has to catch a plane to china tonight. Anyway, we went back to the gas station and around the block to look for the dog. We didn't find it/him/her, but we didn't see any roadkill either. So =/

I still feel bad though. I'm a bad person.



timeee is runnin' out!!

can i get a big )=

Friday, June 4, 2010

Happy blog.

So it's been a while since I've written about something happy. and to prove to you that I am not a whiny little 14 year old brat, complaining about everything when things are going good, i will write about my lovely afternoon.

SOOO, I GOT HOME, AND WROTE THE PREVIOUS POST, AND IMMEDIATELY went to the Taste of Gonzalves thing at Gonzalves Elementary School for the first time. It was fun! Spent time with my darling Liver Shoe, and drank passion fruit boba for only $2! I also ate the biggest potato in the world, which was 1.2 pounds and, like, 6 inches long, stuffed with cheese, sour cream, and weird meat stuff. It took 2 hours to cook, according to the lady who made it, and it was only $2 too! I then bought this weird dessert thing that was okay for $1.

I had to walk back home and put my 3/4ths-eaten potato down, then met with Jimmy between school and my house to go to CPE to watch Bottom Locker Productions. Paul, Andrew Rim, and Michaela were there, and it was fun (=. I'm glad I went! My sister went to dinner with Colosseum somewhere far, so they couldn't pick me up immediately at 9 pm, when it was over, and they didn't want me to walk home alone. So Andrew and I walked to school and we stayed there for a loooong time. While we were passing by the tennis courts, we saw this HUGE-ASS MOTH. It was the size of a small bird! and then, while we were passing by Senior Square, I picked up this poster advertising for the seniors to pick up their yearbooks and go to the yearbook signing that was today. I took the poster home. I don't know why. For a memory of them? Or maybe I will use the back of the poster some day for a project; it's really clean and white. Andrew and I stayed at the main entrance for a long time, and it was really chill. LIKE REALLY CHILLY OUTSIDE, AND I WAS WEARING SHORT SLEEVES AND SHORT- SHORTS! But it was fun. I took a picture of myself holding the sign :D I'll upload later. NEW PROFILE PICTURE! (=

I also watched this one guy change. He DID see me and Andrew because he was inside, and we were outside, and the windows are tinted on the outside. First he took off his shirt and put on another one. Then, it seemed like he took 10 minutes to unbuckle his belt, and then he kept pacing back and forth, like, 238942 times. At last he went behind the opened door of the girls' restroom for 10 seconds, and he came back out wearing a different pair of pants. CRAZY!

so i'm in a good mood tonight.

Pursuit of Happiness

I've heard people complain about the pursuit of happiness. How they're never satisfied with what they have, and will always be chasing something more. I've read it countless times, but could not empathize back then... Some time this year, I guess I've started to understand, but forgot about this whole pursuit of happiness until last night, or actually, this morning, when I was taking a cold shower at 12:15 AM. I am pursuing. I guess if you have been following my blog posts, you know that I haven't been really happy for a while. I dread time passing, and my days are marked with memorable events that will never reoccur. Life doesn't have a rewind button, and you can't do anything over. I think I've just started to understand that. I've known it all along, I just never thought into it. But now reality is catching up with me and I feel like it's weighing me down.

I guess I'm really tired. To be honest, I'd rather know about everything coming. I don't want to pursue. I hate running the mile.

14 days before school ends.
10 school days before school ends.
7 FULL school days before school ends.
19 days until summer really begins for me.

Fridays are always depressing for me. Not only is it because of violin, because I'm finally skipping this week, but it means the end of the week. My life used to be calculated in days passing by, but now it's more like weeks or sometimes months. And I know that when I'm an adult, it will be counted in years.

I realized that my life is starting to become marked by the people or events that affect me most. Like from second to fourth grade, it was the Tiffany and Monica time (they were my best friends back then). Or my scary 5th grade depression time. Or my obsessive figure skating time in 5th, 6th, and 7th grade.

I realized that I've realized a lot this year. I know I sound repetitive, but I have really grown a lot this year, and developed mentally and emotionally. I don't know if it's a good thing. Since I know that I won't be a kid forever, I want to do everything I can and take chances. But now I also sit at the computer on Friday afternoons and complain about all the things I never did, and how scared I am for the future.

If only I could stop time, I think that would be the end of my pursuit of happiness... I really think I would be happy if I could relive days like this forever.