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Monday, October 25, 2010

Day 1: The person you like and why you like them

): If by "like" it means "like, like" then there's no one ATM. What a bad Day 1 question..........


why are there so many fun things to do on tumblr >:O i'm jealous. but i shall not abandon blogger. sooo i'm going to bring one of tumblr's 30 Day Challenges here:

Thursday, October 21, 2010


i hate it when i hear songs i used to love. it just reminds me of the times i used to listen to them nonstop. it's not that i have a bad memory of those times, it's just that thinking of them make me feel like throwing up. i guess i finally understand why jie ji feels nauseous every time she goes back to whitney. =/

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

What I really meant this whole time...

Since (insert date that I can't remember here), I've been saying that I wish I could go back in time, wish I had more time, wish to trade everything to relive middle school.

Perhaps I never meant that. Maybe this whole time I've just been wanting to be ignorant again.

Sometimes I'm extremely jealous of my friends, and everyone younger than me. A vast majority of them are naive, young, and... ignorant. I never really understood that word until recently- it was one of those words I just skimmed across while reading- half ignoring, half not caring. Ignorance was a topic discussed in class, with me not paying attention and (again) not caring... But I've finally come to realize what people mean by "Ignorance is bliss".

People are born with ignorance, of course. No one comes into this world knowing everything- all the good, but more importantly, the bad and the ugly. I believe that this time, last year, I was still blissfully ignorant, happy, and pretty satisfied with life. I didn't really care when all the adults complained about how fast each year was going by, how oooolldd they were getting.

Whenever I try to talk to my mom about this stuff, she tells me to stop talking. She said I shouldn't be thinking these things at such a young age. She says how, when she was my age, and even older, she didn't think very much about topics I ponder on. I think she wishes I were still ignorant too.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Why I Read -short blurb.

We're reading Fahrenheit 451 in English, right now, and we have daily discussions on various aspects from book, one being "Why People Read".

So... Why do I read?

Like I have said before in previous blog posts, I am not loving this school year, thus far. There's no enthusiasm in waking up at 6 or earlier every morning, and nothing to look forward to throughout the day. It's 5:46, and though I've been home for more than an hour, I haven't started homework yet. Instead, I've been reading short stories and such on I want something to look forward to in my life right now, but unfortunately I don't, so what do I do? I read, and it makes me feel like I am the main character in the story, and I get to feel what they're feeling. I get to look forward to their first date, or first pet dragon- whatever.

In short, I read when my own life is uninteresting.

Edit: That's not true. I admit my life is very interesting, and at this moment, I wouldn't want to trade it with anyone. However, that's not to say that my life hasn't been better, and I do wish for more. So yeah.

Saturday, October 2, 2010


I realized that for a long time, I have been wanting something... something in life.

I always go to the kitchen pantry, look for something to snack on, but just can't seem to find anything, though there always is food.

I feel like I'm getting restless, like when I took drawing class, and felt uncomfortable because I had to sit for long periods of time. Maybe it's because I've been in the same house, same city, same place for the past decade. (God, I sound old) Or maybe it's just that there's nothing I'm especially looking forward to, for the near future, at least.

But walking up the stairway from my 5th visit to the pantry today, I came to the realization that perhaps I just want to know. I'm still scared of the future, and sometimes I think about dying. Not the emo, suicidal kind of dying, but how it might be to die.

A couple summers ago there was that big earthquake that scared the crap out of me, a week before the release of Breaking Dawn. I was so terrified of dying that I rarely stayed inside the house, and at night I slept on the air mattress  downstairs, lodging myself in between the back of the sofa and the wall, so that in case the ceiling comes down, I might be protected. Of course, these precautions weren't necessary. In contrast, the person I am today isn't scared of dying; however, I wouldn't want to kill myself. Personally, I would be a little sad to die before knowing whether or not I would grow up to be successful. What would make me sad is leaving behind my friends and family, whom I know have undying love and support for me, and I wouldn't want to inflict any pain on them. I know this sounds conceited, but: I'm sure I've affected many people in my lifetime, and they wouldn't want me to die. I'm not saying I am living solely for them, but it is encouraging to think that way.