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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Annoyance and Pretty People

I know I am easily irritable, and I know I have a short temper. I try not to blame it on PMS, and I try not to be mad, but sometimes it's just too darn hard. Why are people so annoying? What's worse is that they don't know they're annoying me, and I feel bad for being annoyed since they're not doing it on purpose.

I don't want to start naming people because things did not turn out well when I was all too honest back in 6th grade. Let's just say that Winter Formal plans are making me annoyed.

Maybe it's because I have that strange need to always be right, and to always have things go my way. If you haven't noticed, I'd say about 80% of the time, I always have people agree with me, and end up doing things my way. Perhaps it's because I'm the youngest in the family, and everyone spoils me, etc etc etc. And to be blatantly honest, people tend to like people who are pretty. It's quite unfair. That's why most pretty people are bitches. I'm not trying to say that I think I am pretty, but I know that some people think I am. And it's weird, because once one person thinks a certain way, people around them just start agreeing, and before you know it, a majority of the population will all think like that. (did that make any sense?) For example, there's this horridly ugly (inside and out) boy in our grade, who everyone thinks is attractive. He's not nice, he's not cute, but at the beginning of 7th grade, some girl probably started crushing on him, and so everyone else started noticing him, and pretty soon, A LOT of girls started liking him. And they still like him. It's quite disgusting.

SO ANYWAY, my point? I shouldn't be annoyed, but I am.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Self Examination and Inkpop

Sometimes I feel guilty about being friends with people. Maybe not for actually being friends with them, but my reasons for being friends with them. Sometimes I feel like I'm friends with people, or show displays of friendship in public just for attention, or because I want something from that friendship. I hate to think of myself that way, but I can't deny some truth in it. =/

Anyway, I just finished reading a very cute story from, a site where aspiring writers (who are mostly teens) publish their completed or uncompleted novels, short stories, poems, etc. The novel I just read is here: I don't really agree with the ending, but it is a cute story.

PS. Jimmy and I decided that we're going to marry each other if we're both single at 40. I know that sounds odd, and maybe even unlikely (because I'm pretty sure he's gonna be married before then), but I might not be married by then. Whatever; I still have Jasmine and Maria, along with our 127 dogs and chickens. )=

Saturday, December 25, 2010

To Joy

Hi Joy. You wanted a blogpost of something I wanted from the mall.

I can't think of anything I want that you could get for me. LOL SORRY!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Tumblr Challenge Day 3

In case you've been wondering, yes, I know it's probably been past 30 days already, but, no, I haven't given up yet.

Day 3:
5 Things that irritate you about the opposite sex/ same sex.

I guess I'll do both.

Opposite sex:
1. When boys act differently with their guy friends. You think you know someone and then you see them with their friends. It's so weird.
2. When they get ugly hair cuts. I know this sounds shallow, but sometimes I stop talking to people because of their hair. UGLY HAIR IS JUST SO DISTRACTING that I can't talk to them anymore! ):
3. When they try to act like gangsters, especially at school. Seriously, we're all nerds.
4. When they show off how rich they are. Well, I would hate that about anyone.
5. When they try to sing to you (especially in public!!) but they're really bad at singing. (Just kidding, I can't really think of anymore...)

Same sex:
1. When girls gossip. Boys tend to gossip less (not saying that they don't), but girls are just so mean! You think they're sweet and nice little girls, and then you sit in a bus with them in Washington DC when they're not with their "friends", and they start talking shit about everyone!
2. When girls do things to promote their popularity.
3. When girls tell other girls from different schools that they are popular at their school. especially when they're not. I remember in the beginning of 7th grade, my friend from Carmenita asked me if my friend from Whitney (we all came from the same elementary school) was really popular. It turned out the Whitney girl was telling everyone at Carmenita that she became popular. Please.
4. When you go shopping with them and they purposely say expensive things are cheap, to show off that they're rich. We're Asian. We're cheap. Stop that. If you honestly think that a $50 shirt from A&F is cheap, then I won't accept you as a true Asian anymore! (Just kidding, but seriously -__-)
5. When they act dumb, but they're really not. So many girls at school purposely present themselves as stupid people, just to get attention/ be funny/ attract guys?!

That's it for now. Don't take anything I said seriously.

Money, Happiness, and My Winter Formal Dress

We've all heard that saying, "Money can't buy you happiness". That's bull. Maybe whoever said that didn't finish their sentence, because money CAN buy you happiness, but only parts of happiness. I agree that the richest person in the world isn't guaranteed total happiness and satisfaction of life just because they're the richest person in the world. However, they're a little happier than the poorest person in the world, who is probably dying of malaria right now. Money won't make your life complete, but it'll give you something. I become happier when I buy something I really like, or when I receive a gift from someone who I know spent their own money to buy it for me. It might sound shallow of me, but material goods do make me feel better, and puts me into higher spirits, which thus promotes me to think positively. I feel prettier when I put on that Formal dress I bought yesterday. On the other hand, I could have all the pretty dresses Macy's has to offer, but that won't make all my problems better, my parents stop fighting, or my fish from dying.

On the side note, I bought my Winter Formal dress yesterday! It took me a long time to find it, but I'm glad I didn't find it until the end, because that made me feel even more accomplished at the end of the day. Afterward, Vivian, Erin, Olivia, and I went to Yogurtland. Mmmm I love fro-yo. See? Without money, I wouldn't have been able to buy that frozen yogurt, and would not have been able to enjoy those 20-something blissful bites.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Christmas Wishlist 2010

I posted one of these on Facebook last year, but this year I am only putting my wishlist here so that only my REAL FRIENDS can see it (=. jk. but seriously.

I'm not expecting to get these things for Christmas, and I don't want people to feel obliged to get me only these things, but I just don't want someone to go searching frantically on Black Friday for hours, and have me not liking it that much. because then your time and effort will go to waste. But a card is always nice! I love cards! I keep them forever (somewhere in my room) and I remember them always!

okay so anyway, if you DO wanna get me something, then here goes: (In no particular order):

  • NARS Turkish Delight Lipgloss (it's kinda pricey, I know.........)
  • ELF Waterproof Eyeliner Pen (only $1 at Target!)
  • ELF Liner Brush
  • Maybelline Full 'n' Soft Mascara
  • Maybelline Falsies Mascara
  • A good makeup remover (I heard the Sonia Kashuk one from target is really good!)
  • ( did you notice that all of the above are make up products?! because I wrote them while watching Youtube videos... Oh the joys of no homework. (= )
  • anything from LUSH
  • a good book
  • a spy book ( but first ask me which ones i've read already (; )
  • a jewelry box that can hold a lot of earrings and necklaces/ earring holder / necklace holder
  • something that doesn't take up much space; my room is v. messy
  • cool earring holder!
  • a good smelling body splash/ perfume that's not too sweet and not too flowery (ask me what I have already!)
  • BIG SIZED (LONG) bobby pins 
  • a hair tutorial request
That's it for now, but I'll most likely be adding more! 

      Tuesday, November 16, 2010

      I wonder about the UPS Guy

      I was heating up leftover pizza in a pan, over the stove 10 minutes ago when the doorbell rang. My first thought was, Shit, what do I do? because I had always been warned about getting kidnapped/raped/murdered, especially when it's so dark outside, like it was 10 minutes ago. At first I didn't do anything, but then I thought, What if it's a bunch of robbers who are seeing if there's anyone home before coming in? Because then I would be in big trouble. I don't even have my water gun filled with vinegar yet! So I ran upstairs to look through the window and see if there was a vehicle, or a gang, or something.

      There was a big, brown UPS truck. Why is UPS working so late? I wondered Do UPS people usually work this late?. I ran down stairs, just in case it was an emergency package that needed my signature, but as I was running, I grew suspicious, What if it's a trap?! What if it's a bunch of smart robbers who are using a UPS truck to lure little girls to open the door, and then kidnap them! But I went down stairs anyway, and I turned on the porch light, to find no one there. I opened the door, and there was a package from Amazon waiting for me on the ground.

      I immediately felt foolish. I wondered if the UPS delivery man (or woman, I don't know, but usually they're men because they can lift heavy packages) was tired. It's about dinner time now, and he's probably not home yet. I wonder if he had a good day. Did his boss yell at him for being slow and make him work extra? Did he feel guilty about working too slow today and therefore disciplined himself to finish delivering all his packages? Or maybe my package a special one and absolutely had to get delivered today, and he's still muttering to himself about what snobs we are, making him deliver so late. Did he cuss at me under his breath when I didn't open the door fast enough, and made him stand in the cold for an extra 15 seconds before leaving? Is he going home now, or does he have 23 more packages? Does he not want to go home? Maybe he and his wife have been fighting, and he'd rather work. Is he getting paid for overtime? Does he like his job? Did he always want to become a UPS delivery man, wearing a brown uniform with brown shorts everyday? Was he a shame to his family for not becoming a doctor? Or was his family proud of him for doing what he wanted? Is he happy with his life?

      These are all the questions that rolled in my head as I stood over the stove, eating leftover pizza, which I burned because I left the stove on during this whole time.


      Sunday, November 7, 2010

      Skate Canada 2010

      I just finished watching the Men's Freeskate part of Skate Canada, and I am inspired all over again my Patrick Chan, and several others. I get that tingly feeling that washes over my entire body whenever I see really good performances. I miss skating. More than a year ago, when I officially decided to stop skating, I knew that, in the future, I would realize whether or not that was a good decision. And now, I know that it wasn't. I regret it not continuing.


      Tuesday, November 2, 2010

      wow. + Day 2

      I can't remember the last time I felt excited for something instead of dreadful. That's a little sad.

      so I realize I haven't been keeping up with my 30-Day challenge. huge fail, actually but that's okay!

      Day 2: A famous person you've been compared to.

      Mulan. Yes, the Disney one. The last time someone said I looked like her was just a month ago, while I was looking down at a poster I was painting for yearbook. I used to get compared to her more often when I was little, around 2nd grade. I had long, straight hair parted down in the middle, and that made my face appear longer; thus looking like Mulan Hua.

      Monday, October 25, 2010

      Day 1: The person you like and why you like them

      ): If by "like" it means "like, like" then there's no one ATM. What a bad Day 1 question..........


      why are there so many fun things to do on tumblr >:O i'm jealous. but i shall not abandon blogger. sooo i'm going to bring one of tumblr's 30 Day Challenges here:

      Thursday, October 21, 2010


      i hate it when i hear songs i used to love. it just reminds me of the times i used to listen to them nonstop. it's not that i have a bad memory of those times, it's just that thinking of them make me feel like throwing up. i guess i finally understand why jie ji feels nauseous every time she goes back to whitney. =/

      Tuesday, October 19, 2010

      What I really meant this whole time...

      Since (insert date that I can't remember here), I've been saying that I wish I could go back in time, wish I had more time, wish to trade everything to relive middle school.

      Perhaps I never meant that. Maybe this whole time I've just been wanting to be ignorant again.

      Sometimes I'm extremely jealous of my friends, and everyone younger than me. A vast majority of them are naive, young, and... ignorant. I never really understood that word until recently- it was one of those words I just skimmed across while reading- half ignoring, half not caring. Ignorance was a topic discussed in class, with me not paying attention and (again) not caring... But I've finally come to realize what people mean by "Ignorance is bliss".

      People are born with ignorance, of course. No one comes into this world knowing everything- all the good, but more importantly, the bad and the ugly. I believe that this time, last year, I was still blissfully ignorant, happy, and pretty satisfied with life. I didn't really care when all the adults complained about how fast each year was going by, how oooolldd they were getting.

      Whenever I try to talk to my mom about this stuff, she tells me to stop talking. She said I shouldn't be thinking these things at such a young age. She says how, when she was my age, and even older, she didn't think very much about topics I ponder on. I think she wishes I were still ignorant too.

      Tuesday, October 12, 2010

      Why I Read -short blurb.

      We're reading Fahrenheit 451 in English, right now, and we have daily discussions on various aspects from book, one being "Why People Read".

      So... Why do I read?

      Like I have said before in previous blog posts, I am not loving this school year, thus far. There's no enthusiasm in waking up at 6 or earlier every morning, and nothing to look forward to throughout the day. It's 5:46, and though I've been home for more than an hour, I haven't started homework yet. Instead, I've been reading short stories and such on I want something to look forward to in my life right now, but unfortunately I don't, so what do I do? I read, and it makes me feel like I am the main character in the story, and I get to feel what they're feeling. I get to look forward to their first date, or first pet dragon- whatever.

      In short, I read when my own life is uninteresting.

      Edit: That's not true. I admit my life is very interesting, and at this moment, I wouldn't want to trade it with anyone. However, that's not to say that my life hasn't been better, and I do wish for more. So yeah.

      Saturday, October 2, 2010


      I realized that for a long time, I have been wanting something... something in life.

      I always go to the kitchen pantry, look for something to snack on, but just can't seem to find anything, though there always is food.

      I feel like I'm getting restless, like when I took drawing class, and felt uncomfortable because I had to sit for long periods of time. Maybe it's because I've been in the same house, same city, same place for the past decade. (God, I sound old) Or maybe it's just that there's nothing I'm especially looking forward to, for the near future, at least.

      But walking up the stairway from my 5th visit to the pantry today, I came to the realization that perhaps I just want to know. I'm still scared of the future, and sometimes I think about dying. Not the emo, suicidal kind of dying, but how it might be to die.

      A couple summers ago there was that big earthquake that scared the crap out of me, a week before the release of Breaking Dawn. I was so terrified of dying that I rarely stayed inside the house, and at night I slept on the air mattress  downstairs, lodging myself in between the back of the sofa and the wall, so that in case the ceiling comes down, I might be protected. Of course, these precautions weren't necessary. In contrast, the person I am today isn't scared of dying; however, I wouldn't want to kill myself. Personally, I would be a little sad to die before knowing whether or not I would grow up to be successful. What would make me sad is leaving behind my friends and family, whom I know have undying love and support for me, and I wouldn't want to inflict any pain on them. I know this sounds conceited, but: I'm sure I've affected many people in my lifetime, and they wouldn't want me to die. I'm not saying I am living solely for them, but it is encouraging to think that way.

      Saturday, September 25, 2010

      Helllooo Dance & the weekend

      I love dances. They're always the best for a number of reasons:

      -You can go crazy and scream and yell and dance around, and no one will think you're insane because everyone is doing the same.

      -GREAT stress reliever, especially with friends.

      -Get to meet and dance with people you usually don't talk to at school.

      -Excercise! I'm sore right now!

      However, I made a sad realization last night that this was technically my first high school dance. I know that most people would be ecstatic to be attending their first 'real' dance, but that's not the case with me. It's just one dance closer to the last high school dance.

      I know I'm getting more and more pessimistic these days, but I can't help it )=

      Ah vell.

      Time to do homework....................... Piano in 4 hours. Haven't practiced all week. aaaaahhhh!

      Thursday, September 16, 2010

      it's beeeen a whiiiiile

      Hello blogger,

      It's me. (=

      I know it's been a while. Sorry for abandoning you for so long )= )= )= I miss you!
      Being blinded by my frustration one month ago, I subconsciously decided to stop blogging, convincing myself that it was only adding to my stress. But now I am one twelfth of a year older, and much wiser.

      I know we've had our ups and downs, but blogger, oh blogger, you mean a lot to meeeeeeeeeeeee.

      School is tiring. so tiring. exhausting. I knew it would be difficult, but I guess I wasn't expecting it so soon.

      This year is quite different from the rest. Perhaps it is because my environment is not at all new anymore, or maybe there isn't something in particular that I'm looking forward to, but I don't feel the same way I had last year, or the year before.

      In 7th grade, I was excited and scared, but there was this exhilaration in feeling like a "big kid".

      The night before the first day of 8th grade, I could hardly fall asleep. I remember lying there on my bed for 2 hours, not being able to surrender to unconsciousness. Again, the exhilaration.

      Now it has been exactly 1 week and 13 hours since my first day of school, and I don't feel anything but tiredness. I can't say I am weary or dreading school, but if I had the choice, I would not go. I wish for summer again. If I had the choice to trade everything I have right now to go back in time and start 7th grade over, I would. Those two years of middle school were the best I ever had. I'm sure high school will be fun too. I have already laughed more than I had last month, but I feel a weight on me that I don't think will ever go away. Does this feeling come with age?

      I don't know, but I do know I have to get crackin' at my Algebra 2 homework!!!

      Hasta luego!

      Wednesday, August 11, 2010

      Stress stress stress

      My stress level is so high right now. arghhh!!!
      This summer was supposed to be my summer of productivity. I expected myself to do so many things. But now, with less than a month left, everywhere I look I see my failures- my barely touched guzheng, barely played saxophone, piano that I SWORE I would practice every single day in hopes of skipping a CM level again and proving my piano teacher wrong. My violin that I wanted to practice at least 3 times a week just to keep my violin teacher happy and redeem myself at the recital in October after failing last year... I come to my desk and see the opened pages of my Spanish textbook that I still can't understand. My Algebra 2 notes and workbooks that remind me of how bad I am at math. Daddy's right. I do suck at math. Even though I'm a year ahead and all that crap, I don't actually GET it. I just stumble through everything and get the grades.
      I walk by the sewing machine and remember how I wanted to make a lot of clothes and design so much stuff... but I only made one lonely pair of pants.
      My Cerritos College Catalog on the ground that I threw days ago in frustration because I didn't sign up for my classes in time, and now they're all full. My entire book shelf that's constantly in my face, filled with all the books I never read, the Chinese I never studied, the French I never finished.
      I go to sleep at midnight every night VOWING to not do the same the next day so that I can actually keep up my morning routine, but failing myself over and over again. )=

      The school year hasn't even started and I'm already super stressed. What will I be like when I have 7 classes in the day and a shitload of homework? AGHHASLDHWUITOEHREOSHFLDSKHF

      Friday, August 6, 2010

      What have I been up to?

      It feels like I've been so busy this past... week, but when I look back and ask myself what I have been doing, it all comes down to:


      Really, I haven't been productive. Yes, I've been quite successful in avoiding facebook and practicing more violin, but I can't think of any major accomplishments.

      I started practicing saxophone yesterday, and I spent almost all of today TRYING to learn pop songs by ear.
      I finally gave up because I am now more sure that I'm semi- tone deaf, so I looked up the score for Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat's "Lucky". It's written in D Major for piano, so I had to transpose it to the key of A Major to play on E flat alto sax. So far so good! Maybe when I perfect it I will post a video :D

      But THIS duet is the cutest yet!

      Thursday, July 29, 2010

      Please help my school win some very needed $!

      We're trying to build a multi-media center and we need to raise a lot of money fast so that it can be built before I graduate!

      Kohl's is giving away $500,000 to the school with the most votes, so please vote and support us! Gretchen Whitney High, Cerritos CA

      Sunday, July 25, 2010

      Painting! :D

      So I finally got around to painting, and I decided to try oil painting! I've never used oil colors before, even in my art class I took in kindergarten.

      Yes, I know there is a white spot in the branches but I was too lazy to fill it in.
      I'm v. proud of myself (= I used MAX Grumbacher oil colors that Jie ji and I bought at the side walk sale of Art Warehouse(?).

      Friday, July 23, 2010

      )= )=

      'Tis Friday.

      Oh woe!
      Oh woeful woeful woeful day,
      Most lamentable day, most hateful day!
      Never was seen so black a day as this.
      Oh woeful day, Oh woeful day.

      BECAUSE MY LETTER DIDN'T COME!! and I have violin in half an hour )=

      Tuesday, July 20, 2010

      I F'd Up )=

      So today is Tuesday. Tuesdays are SUPPOSED to be my good days. My somewhat free days. I don't have much scheduled besides the normal math class and maybe a meeting. For the majority of the afternoon, I have nothing urgent; therefore, Tuesdays are Cindy's Days of Relaxation. and laziness. and sitting on my butt all day watching hair tutorial videos. )= I don't get my act together until 9 PM,when it's too late to get anything done without staying up late and regretting it even more the next morning.

      Today was my chance to follow the 7 Habits and be and Effective Teen. )= But I f'd up, once again.

      No such thing as a selfless deed?

      I remember a long long time ago I read a book (I really really can't remember the title )= ) where this boy said there was no such thing as a selfless deed, and the girl kept trying to prove him wrong. She even let a honey bee sting her. WHICH WAS REALLY STUPID, 'CAUSE HONEY BEES DIE WHEN THEY STING SOMEONE/SOMETHING. But she didn't know that, and she thought the bee wanted to sting her, so she let it. ANYWAYS, I thought I agreed because it's true that most of the time, when I'm nice to people, it is because I want something from them; maybe just for them to be nice back to me. I guess it's not being selfish, but it's not completely selfless either.

      BUT for the past few days, I haven't been entering in a few of the giveaways. Usually, I would enter everything in hopes of winning SOMETHING. Because, if I won it and didn't like it, I could always sell it on ebay, or gift it to one of my friends as a birthday present or something. However, since last week, I decided to not enter in the Gossip Girl Season 3 freebie or a lot of the Express swimsuits. Why? Because I am not a Gossip Girl fan and I was not particularly interested in those swimsuits. If I WERE a fan and absolutely wanted those bikinis, I would have appreciated it if someone who didn't really want them didn't enter, so that I would have a better chance of winning. Even though those people don't know that I just gave them a 0.001% better chance of winning whatever they wanted, I did it anyway... I THINK THAT'S PRETTY SELFLESS :D

      ...or as selfless as you can get. 'Cause, NOW, it's not very selfless that I'm writing about it and that I feel really gracious. So I guess it was so that I feel better about being a person. blegh. whatever. 

      Sunday, July 18, 2010


      keke I'm going to make a list quotes/phrases I like, just like my 1001 favorite books list. It will fill up as time goes on. In NO order:
      1.  Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
      2. If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.
      3. "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder."
      4. "Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out."
      5. "If you care about what others think, you will always be their prisoner." -James Frey
      6. "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do..."
        - M. Twain
      7. "Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
        -Robert Frost 
      8. People will always talk about you, especially when they envy you and the life you live. Let them... you affected their lives, they didn't affect yours.
      9. Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares.
      10. "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."   
      11. "I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold." 
      12. "Bad artists copy. Great artists steal."
        -Pablo Picasso
      13. I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
        -John Burroughs  
      14. Life is never easy for those who dream.
        -Robert James Waller 
      15. Life well spent is long.
        -Leonardo da Vinci  
      16.  May you live every day of your life. [HAHAHAHHAHA]
        -Jonathan Swift
      17.  There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.
        -Robert Louis Stevenson
      18. To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.
        -Emily Dickinson  [Somehow, this makes sense :O]
      19. You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.
        -Albert Camus
      20. Your life is what your thoughts make it.
        -Marcus Aurelius  
      21.  "I'm going to stop procrastination- sometime soon."
      22. "Tomorrow, I'm going to be more assertive- if that's okay with you." 
      23. I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone." -Bill Cosby
      24. "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!"
      25. "All my possessions for one moment of time." -Queen Elizabeth I
      26. "To realize the value of One Year,
        Ask a student who failed his or her AP exams.
        To realize the value of One Month,
        Ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
        To realize the value of One Week,
        Ask an editor of a weekly magazine.
        To realize the value of One Day,
        Ask a daily wage laborer who has six kids to feed.
        To realize the value of One Hour,
        Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
        To realize the value of One Minute,
        Ask a person who missed their train.
        To realize the value of One Second,
        Ask the person who survived an accident
        To realize the value of One Millisecond,
        Ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics."
      27. "Would you tell me please which way I ought to walk from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. "I don't care much where-" said Alice. "Then it doesn't matter which way to walk," said the Cat.

        Friday, July 16, 2010

        It's funny how

        people who are supposed to be close to you, the ones who you could call your best friends a couple months ago, have no clue what's going on in your life right now. Of course, people still think we're tight, but we're not. We never talk. We don't email each other funny videos we found on youtube just because we thought it would crack each other up. We don't call each other to watch a movie over the weekend, and sometimes don't even acknowledge each other on facebook. It's funny how we used to know each other so well, but now it's almost like we never did. )=

        Tuesday, July 13, 2010

        I love you

        I love you, I know this must come as something of a surprise, since all I've ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn't matter. I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now than when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. I know I cannot compete with the Countess in skills or wisdom or appeal, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw the way you looked at her. But remember, please, that she is old and has other interests, while I am seventeen and for me there is only you. Dearest Westley--I've never called you that before, have I?--Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley,--darling Westley, adored Westley, sweet perfect Westley, whisper that I have a chance to win your love.
        -The Princess Bride , still one of my favorite books of all time!

        I'd like to..

        not be so self-conscious. Why do I always care about what I look like to others?

        Maybe because I am too judgmental of people, so I worry that other people think the same way as I do, and look at me like I sometimes look at them. )=

        Monday, July 12, 2010

        Quick note!

        If you leave a comment, especially on older posts, I probably will never read them. I thought I get emailed when someone leaves a comment, but apparently I don't, and I don't know how to change that setting. SO, I don't know when/if you leave a comment, and I rarely check the bottom of my posts, just to let you know. But when I do see your comment, I appreciate them very very very much. :D SO LEAVE COMMENTS EVEN THOUGH I PROBABLY WON'T SEE THEM UNTIL A FEW WEEKS LATER.

        But now that I have realized this, I will probably check more frequently, SO LEAVE COMMENTS BECAUSE I WILL SEE THEM ;D


        SO, I promised myself I would TRY TO be completely honest for 7 days. Now, 6 days. I will avoid lying, even little white lies. Because you don't know this; no one knows this besides my journal, but I lie A LOT. It's really quite crazy how much I lie. And all of it sounds so real, that sometimes I believe my lies. (Yeah, I have bad memory, and when I tell a story over and over again to people, with my lies incorporated in it, I just forget about the truth...) It happens quite often.

        SO, for the next 6 days, I will be honest to myself and others.

        FIRST TRUTH:

        I know I'm lazy )= Mother is right. I sit on my butt all day long when I should be practicing violin or doing piano theory. I read my guiltily-interesting-but-shallow books until 12 AM, and then not wake up early enough to go running. I kick myself for not running that day, and promise to run the next, but somehow the same routine goes on, until my body is so used to waking up at 10 AM that I get mad at Mama for waking me up at 8. And I still don't go running at 8 because I'm pissed at Mama for waking me up. (I hate getting woken up by people. Alarms are okay, because they're set by myself. I hate people telling me what to do.) And then I feel guilty for getting mad at Mama when I should be mad at myself. So I get mad at myself and I sit here and type this. LOL.

        But I'm mad at mama anyways for telling me I should study more. NOW, I think I have a good excuse to be upset: Firstly, I DO study. I stay after my shift at the library even though I'm starving, and I look for educational books on Algebra II, Trigonometry, Pre-Calculus, Spanish, etc. I go to Borders after the library and sit there and study math. I come home with the books I borrowed from the library and do exercises from them. I take SAT II Chinese practice tests online. I do those SAT daily practice questions that are emailed to me. But apparently that's not enough, because I always save time to read my Allure and Glamour and InStyle magazines at the end of the day. )= I LIKE MY MAGAZINES. GOSH. (btw, Seventeen Magazine has daily freebie contests at You might need codewords for some stuff, which you can find in the magazine. Just go to the library or borders to look at one and write down the codewords. ^_^ Also, most of the codewords are a part of the name of the prize. LOL.)

        SO GO AWAY, MOTHER. I'm exaggerating a little though. My parents are usually pretty chill when it comes to academics. My mom just likes having authority over people, and telling them what to do/ should do. It just so happens that I hate it when people tell me what to, because I inherited her genes, and I like being the boss too.

        Okay. Gonna go read THE COLLEGE HANDBOOK, which is like 3 times bigger than the dictionary -____-. But then I reward myself by reading INTRODUCTION TO PSYCHOLOGY. (If you didn't know, I'm really interested in psychology and therapy, but I am banned by Mother from becoming a psychologist.)

        Sunday, July 11, 2010

        you efsjdhvffffff

        gahh one of these days, i am sURE to shoot myself. only i don't have a gun.

        but OHHMYGOD, it's so hard to be nice to mama when she's telling me i'm a useless lazy duckhead. GOSH.

        Friday, July 9, 2010


        I just re-read all my posts from 2008 and skimmed a few from 2009.

        I really wish I wrote more around November and December '09. I suddenly changed the way I viewed life. It's so weird. What was I thinking at the time? When did I snap? I kind of know why though. But I still wish I wrote about it more.

        Yeah, I can look through my journals, but I'm too lazy to find the right one since I wrote so many. ^_^

        It's been a week and three days and Vince still hasn't written back. )=

        -Monday, July 12th add-in-

        BY THE WAY, Vince did write back ^_^


        I've never felt so screwed over in my life!!!! no actually i have, but

        asdlfhaskdfuwefhLAJSYHRUIH*&%^*t4GRKGB NOOOOOOOO

        i'm so stupid.


        AHHHHHHHHHHH -bangs head on desk and gets cerritos college catalog stuck on forehead-

        Tuesday, July 6, 2010

        Things to do

        Sometimes, my mind STILL can't figure out that it's summer. -______-

        I know it's pretty stupid, but I always think, "Oh, hmm I have to remember to do that when I have time, in the summer!" One minute later... "Oh crap, it IS summer -______-".


        -SAT Studying
        -Chinese Zither
        -Piano Theory
        -Keep room clean
        -Play with chickens
        -Feed fish everyday
        -Go to the animal shelter
        -Study Alg. II
        -Go running EVERY morning
        -Do off-ice jumps (even though I might never do ON-ice jumps again)
        -Go skating ?!?
        -Skateboard again
        -Go biking in the afternoons
        -Stretch and become flexible again
        -Make myself a schedule to do said things.

        So why don't I do stuff I want to do?

        Because I'm stupid. and lazy. and there's Facebook and Youtube.


        BUT, I will start taking things off my list as I start doing them. TODAY, I'm going to Modern Dance (in an hour!) and Spanish at night. Yay! We'll see how it goes.

        Monday, July 5, 2010


        SOO I really really want to start tutoring kids, preferably incoming 7th graders and 8th graders. Yeah, I'm only in 9th grade, but to be honest, I really liked Algebra and Geometry. Especially Geometry, because I had a high A the whole year ^_^. Algebra was okay for me, and I want to tutor Algebra I because I'm going to be learning Algebra II this year, and tutoring Algebra would give me a quick review on that stuff. Algebra is also the foundation for everything else learned in high school, so it's really important to know what you're doing.


        Saturday, June 26, 2010


        So, my sister left to Las Vegas today, and she's taking a flight from there to France tomorrow. )=

        I have no [exciting] plans for tomorrow, monday, tuesday, wednesday, or thursday. Just the usual- possibly guzheng w/ Pearl tomorrow, piano on Monday, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON TUESDAY, volunteering on Wednesday and Thursday. OOH maybe I will get to see the [hopefully] cute guy whose shift is before mine on Thursday. Must get there early! Friday morning I'm helping on Kay in the office at School. OH YEAH, I'm helping out Mr. G on Thursday with Paul? and then I have violin later on, and the same stuff repeats over and over again for the next couple months of summer.

        Now that Jie ji's gone, there's no one to take me to the beach out of no where. No one to take me shopping just because. No one to distract me from this loneliness. )=

        Friday, June 25, 2010

        how fast things change

        It's absolute craziness, how things can change so FREAKING FAST!

        I grow so far apart from people in the period of a two months, that I don't even know them anymore. And I don't necessarily I don't mean it in a bad way, but it still shocked me when one of my closest friends last month commented on some girl's picture, "damn, she's cute ;]". GROSS! Maybe I'm just jealous/mad because I don't like that girl. Or because he has the time to comment on random people's pictures, but not to talk to me )= .

        But I knew things were going to change, so I really shouldn't be surprised.

        Tuesday, June 22, 2010


        -going to the beach to the beach in half an hour
        -gonna sleep at the beach and hope seagulls don't steal my stuff
        -missing YOU!
        -just kidding, probably not you.
        -but if the YOU i'm thinking about is reading this, then yes i miss you x50,000
        -going to read Endless Summer: Two irresistible boys. One unforgettable summer. on the beach LOLOLOL.
        -going to memorize my Cerritos Library volunteen pin number and passcodes for tomorrow.
        -wearing my roxy bikini for the first time. yumyumyum

        Monday, June 21, 2010

        LONG DAY

        This post is dedicated to Tiffany Hoe....

        Tiffany: haha ur blogs are so interesting...expecially your rants..
          :) Tiffany's new status message - summer solstice..long day indeed   3:57 PM

        23 minutes
        4:16 PM me: oh thank you
          it's summer solstice??

        32 minutes
        4:48 PM Tiffany: yea today
        4:49 PM me: coool
        4:50 PM Tiffany: get my status?
          long day indeed
          hahahahah im so funny
         me: yes
         Tiffany: (even if you dont think its funny...go with it..)
         me: AHAHAHA
          you're funny tiffany

        SO YUP, it's summer solstice! and YES, I learned about it in science during astronomy this past year... longest day of the year. 'Twas a great day to have a graduation party. (=

        Sunday, June 20, 2010

        I found my phobia...

        Fear of...

        Old, growing- Gerascophobia or Gerontophobia

        ...from the Indexed Phobia List



        So I am going to let myself over-think things this summer...

        I've been working towards filling my summer with so many activities so that I don't have a lot of time to think, but recently realized that, if I'm always out and about, my summer would go by very quickly. Too quickly. Should I try to slow it down? But I don't want to be bored... I want to hang out with my friends everyday and go places and have fun. I guess I need a fair amount of everything. I am such a complicated person!

        Everything I'm doing this summer, big and small:

        - Alg. 2 classes @ whs
        - Cerritos College
        - lots of Cerritos Library volunteering
        - lots of Key Club volunteering
        - Band Camp later
        - WEB meetings later (reminder: reread 7 habits)
        - writing LOTS of reviews for
        - lots of piano
        - lots of violin
        - some saxophone
        - lots of keeping my room clean
        - lots of journal-ing
        - lots of being nice to mama, let her think she controls me, don't be out past 9 pm, clean kitchen

        This summer is going to be a big transition for me... last summer, I was still more like a 7th grader. I was more 7th grade-ish up until probably November or December 2009. And then, I don't know what happened... but now I'm feeling more and more freshman-y. I don't like it. I like the hanging out with friends and having a better social life part, but I don't like the fact that I'm older. Maybe it's just that I don't know what is in store for me, or is it because of more responsibility? Am I not mature enough? I don't know. "Summer before 9th grade" just sounds a lot bigger than "summer after 7th grade". When I was entering 8th grade, I didn't realize how important the year would be... It's really the last year to be a kid. =/

        Saturday, June 19, 2010

        Really a High School-er.

        Cindy Li it still doesn't really feel like the end of school

        57 minutes ago

                                     me: yes yes

          OH CRAP
         t________r: LOL
         me: middle school is over
         me: omg
         t________r: YOU"RE A HIGH SCHOOLER!
        12:43 AM me: NOOO

        Sent at 12:43 AM on Saturday

        12 minutes ago ·

        Cindy Li i am definitely going to regret being awake this late/ early tomorrow. -________-
        i realized that 45 minutes after 12 AM though... i think i shall sleep now.

        14 minutes ago 

        Cindy Li you said you wanted to talk, but i think you knocked out like an hour ago... in case you didn't get my IM,
        me: FUCK WE'RE IN HIGHSCHOOLNOOOOOO Sent at 12:43 AM on Saturday

        13 minutes ago ·
        YEAH I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL NOW..... =/

        Thursday, June 17, 2010

        One of the Best Days of My Life

        I will always remember...

        During English, my 2nd-to-last 8th grade comprehensive exam, Jinnie and Derrick invited me to go watch The A-Team at Cerritos Towne Center after school...

        After a frustrating 2 hours of difficult geometry and trigonometry problems that I couldn't bring myself to care about, Jinnie and I left the school to my house to get money, look up movie times, and look at the COW Bus schedule. Jinnie planned to leave from the WHS graduation at 5:20 to take a ride home. So the two of us walked to Towne Center, and made a bee-line for Tapioca Express- our delicious lunch of just Milk Tea and Thai Tea Boba. We went in the theater at around 1:40, after the movie had already started, sneaking in our bobas with us. We moved down a few rows from the top, to where Manas, Ian, Edward Shin, Derrick, Darren, Sam, Curtis, and whoever else I missed, were sitting. The movie was pretty good. It was funny, though confusing at some parts!

        Anyhow, graduation was starting at 4:00 PM, and Jinnie and I were going to try to make it back to Whitney at that time, but SOMEBODY AKA. DERRICK LIN had a little trouble deciding whether or not to attend. After a wasted 12 minutes or so of trying to convince him to, he ended up hanging out with his friends at Shadow Park instead. I'm not upset that he chose to do this, but I'm just saying that he can hang out with his friends any day, but there's only one Class of 2010 Graduation ever.

        Jinnie and I finally arrived at school around 4:20 PM. We sat with Jarick and Jimmy in the shade, and watched those valedictorians make their speeches. Later, we moved to around the front/middle area to sit on the grass and take better pictures. Vince waved at me from his chair.
        Although the ceremony was simple, and there wasn't any food, it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. Around two hundred-something white chairs seated students, teachers, parents, friends, and relatives celebrating and mourning the end of high school for the 2010 Ninjas. I watched them turn their tassels to the left of their caps, showing that they had officially graduated. Mr. Brent gave the best speech ever. He used Disneyland as a metaphor for life. It was great. I hope I choose the straight path towards Fantasyland forever.

        I never cared much for our Alma Mater, but seeing the seniors sing it for the last time together, with their arms around each other, made me realize how much those lyrics meant...

        Whitney High School is our pride
        Our hopes and dreams abound
        Whitney's family by our side
        With friendships we have found.
        Strive for nothing but the best
        For here we'll surely find
        Memories to last a lifetime
        Hail to Whitney High!

        (Okay, I admit, I had to search the words on wikipedia. I haven't memorized it yet )= ) 

        Afterward, an airplane flew overhead with a big sign that read, "CONGRATULATIONS WHITNEY HS 2010! <3" Sorry, my crappy camera couldn't get a picture of the sign. AND YES, THERE REALLY WAS A HEART

        There was so much joy and sadness, I couldn't keep my tears in. Everyone was either laughing or crying, and it was so beautiful. No matter how long I knew this day was coming, nothing could have emotionally prepared me for.. everything. I can only describe the day as beautiful. Jarick and I stayed until we were the last ones at school. I watched the crowd die down to return home to their families, and probably watch the Lakers game tonight.
        This isn't even my graduation, and I'm already so torn about it. Two years ago, my mom and I went to the end of graduation, because we saw the fireworks from my house. Back then, I watched them do the same as the seniors did this year, but I really didn't care. I didn't know Whitney. I didn't know any of those people. What will it be like for me in 4 years? Jarick and I walked down the red carpet of where the seniors walked to see how it felt. It didn't feel like anything, really. In 4 years, we will be graduating in the new multi-media center. Wow. And the tears keep coming, every time I think of the future...

        Jarick, Jimmy, and I took pictures when we were sitting on the bleachers, just staring at everyone hugging each other, or actually, Jimmy looking for hot girls -____- .  We vowed that for our graduation, we will stand in that same place and take a picture. ^_^

        Final Realization of the Day:
        I wasn't too sad about "graduating" elementary school. Why? Because, for my entire life long, I was told, and I knew I would be going to Whitney High School for the next 6 years. I was certain about that. Now, when I think about graduating Whitney, I don't know what's coming for me afterwards, and I guess that's what scares me. I've never liked surprises.

        While I was walking through Whitney to get home, Mr. Glonchak re-opened the gate to let me out, and I wailed that I would be them in 4 more years. He kind of chuckled, but agreed that 4 years would go by too quickly...

        Tuesday, June 15, 2010


        i always feel like sleeping nowadays. I want to go back to sleep as soon as a wake up. I get sleepier after an hour of consciousness. I'm tired for the rest of the day. Why? I've been like this since.... April 22. haha, yes i remember the exact date.


        Monday, June 14, 2010

        mama's comin' home

        jie ji is picking up mama from the airport right now. she's been in china for 2-3 weeks?

        and i'm still annoyed as ever!
        i hate that my mood changes because of tiny things and people. how did i come to be so dependent? agghh.

        it's really pathetic.

        i hate that i'm so self-conscious.

        dear me,
        DUDE JUST STOP OVERTHINKING IT! AND JUST DO IT! WHY DO YOU ACT WEIRD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT! AALSJHASLKDF. STOP IT. you only have a few more days. just do whatever. remember how fun aloha dance was, even though not a lot of your friends went? it was because you just let loose and just went for it and didn't care what ppl thought of you and your PRO DANCING SKILLS. SO STOP THINKING. OKAY!


        Sunday, June 13, 2010


        my new kind of favorite song (=
        i saw it on someone's blog, and it made me remember how much i like colbie caillat's voice.

        REAAALIZE. haha it's like the song of my blog.

        I hate it when..

        people delete their blogs!!!

        why!! you started it, don't just delete everything you've written in the past bajillion years!!

        even if you're not gonna write anymore, just leave it, don't delete it! WHYYYYYY

        Thursday, June 10, 2010


        as stressed-out as i am right now, i'm still pretty happy. i don't know why, i'm just happy tonight. but i will still complain and whine about how much my life sucks right now.


        Tuesday, June 8, 2010

        next year...

        Even though I KNOW my schedule is going to be really tight next year because of Yearbook, MUN, Band 1st period, and my instrument stuff, I know I will have a great year. I can feel it. I'm excited. I feel like shouting, BRING IT ON!

        Monday, June 7, 2010

        So I told my dad...

        the other day that I realized that there would probably never again be a time in my life where I really have nothing to do. No obligations, nothing to worry about or stress over, and just time to relax without feeling guilty for not working.

        ...and he just said, "Well, yeah".

        FML. Why didn't I appreciate being a little kid more.

        undecided feelings!

        i wanna go to college!
        10:48 PM me: me too!me: i'm already tired of this )=
          i hate cerritos
          it's so boringme: there's never anything to do
          i want to move to new york
        10:51 PM me: but i also don't like cold weather

        I don't know anymore. I always thought I dreaded college. I never really wanted to go... until I just said it just now. I guess I do want to move away. I do love New York. I think I would like it there. But I've always felt safe here, at home, and I always thought I would go to Stanford. But maybe I'm changing my opinions, like how I suddenly wanted to drive, when I always thought it was terrifying. I guess I just want to be free. 
        Right now, I really can't imagine 4 more years at Whitney. HOLY HOLY HOLY. I always thought it would go by in a flash, like the last two years did. But now that I think about it, 4 years IS  pretty long time, doing the same thing, year after year. OMG I'M TURNING INTO MICHAEL AND ISAAC, WHO WANT TO GO TO CERRITOS HIGH NEXT YEAR. 
        I don't think straight when I'm lacking sleep.
          Picture of me at around age 9. I don't remember it at all, but I found it saved in my dad's hard drive... 

        Sunday, June 6, 2010


        so everything was going okay. My sister, brother-in-law, Dad, and I were driving home from restaurant.... we were passing by an intersection with a gas station, and I saw this little dog, all alone, walking around on the sidewalk next to the station. I asked everyone if we could stop and pick it up. Colosseum and Daddy were both like, "nooo blah blah blah" and I got really upset, but I didn't further try to stop the car. I should have. I feel so guilty. It could have gotten run over!!

        When we got home, Jie ji asked me if I wanted to go back to look for it. So we went back. She said she was too chicken to stop the car at the time (she was driving) because Daddy has to catch a plane to china tonight. Anyway, we went back to the gas station and around the block to look for the dog. We didn't find it/him/her, but we didn't see any roadkill either. So =/

        I still feel bad though. I'm a bad person.


        HOLY SKDHFASD. )= )= )=

        timeee is runnin' out!!

        can i get a big )=

        Friday, June 4, 2010

        Happy blog.

        So it's been a while since I've written about something happy. and to prove to you that I am not a whiny little 14 year old brat, complaining about everything when things are going good, i will write about my lovely afternoon.

        SOOO, I GOT HOME, AND WROTE THE PREVIOUS POST, AND IMMEDIATELY went to the Taste of Gonzalves thing at Gonzalves Elementary School for the first time. It was fun! Spent time with my darling Liver Shoe, and drank passion fruit boba for only $2! I also ate the biggest potato in the world, which was 1.2 pounds and, like, 6 inches long, stuffed with cheese, sour cream, and weird meat stuff. It took 2 hours to cook, according to the lady who made it, and it was only $2 too! I then bought this weird dessert thing that was okay for $1.

        I had to walk back home and put my 3/4ths-eaten potato down, then met with Jimmy between school and my house to go to CPE to watch Bottom Locker Productions. Paul, Andrew Rim, and Michaela were there, and it was fun (=. I'm glad I went! My sister went to dinner with Colosseum somewhere far, so they couldn't pick me up immediately at 9 pm, when it was over, and they didn't want me to walk home alone. So Andrew and I walked to school and we stayed there for a loooong time. While we were passing by the tennis courts, we saw this HUGE-ASS MOTH. It was the size of a small bird! and then, while we were passing by Senior Square, I picked up this poster advertising for the seniors to pick up their yearbooks and go to the yearbook signing that was today. I took the poster home. I don't know why. For a memory of them? Or maybe I will use the back of the poster some day for a project; it's really clean and white. Andrew and I stayed at the main entrance for a long time, and it was really chill. LIKE REALLY CHILLY OUTSIDE, AND I WAS WEARING SHORT SLEEVES AND SHORT- SHORTS! But it was fun. I took a picture of myself holding the sign :D I'll upload later. NEW PROFILE PICTURE! (=

        I also watched this one guy change. He DID see me and Andrew because he was inside, and we were outside, and the windows are tinted on the outside. First he took off his shirt and put on another one. Then, it seemed like he took 10 minutes to unbuckle his belt, and then he kept pacing back and forth, like, 238942 times. At last he went behind the opened door of the girls' restroom for 10 seconds, and he came back out wearing a different pair of pants. CRAZY!

        so i'm in a good mood tonight.

        Pursuit of Happiness

        I've heard people complain about the pursuit of happiness. How they're never satisfied with what they have, and will always be chasing something more. I've read it countless times, but could not empathize back then... Some time this year, I guess I've started to understand, but forgot about this whole pursuit of happiness until last night, or actually, this morning, when I was taking a cold shower at 12:15 AM. I am pursuing. I guess if you have been following my blog posts, you know that I haven't been really happy for a while. I dread time passing, and my days are marked with memorable events that will never reoccur. Life doesn't have a rewind button, and you can't do anything over. I think I've just started to understand that. I've known it all along, I just never thought into it. But now reality is catching up with me and I feel like it's weighing me down.

        I guess I'm really tired. To be honest, I'd rather know about everything coming. I don't want to pursue. I hate running the mile.

        14 days before school ends.
        10 school days before school ends.
        7 FULL school days before school ends.
        19 days until summer really begins for me.

        Fridays are always depressing for me. Not only is it because of violin, because I'm finally skipping this week, but it means the end of the week. My life used to be calculated in days passing by, but now it's more like weeks or sometimes months. And I know that when I'm an adult, it will be counted in years.

        I realized that my life is starting to become marked by the people or events that affect me most. Like from second to fourth grade, it was the Tiffany and Monica time (they were my best friends back then). Or my scary 5th grade depression time. Or my obsessive figure skating time in 5th, 6th, and 7th grade.

        I realized that I've realized a lot this year. I know I sound repetitive, but I have really grown a lot this year, and developed mentally and emotionally. I don't know if it's a good thing. Since I know that I won't be a kid forever, I want to do everything I can and take chances. But now I also sit at the computer on Friday afternoons and complain about all the things I never did, and how scared I am for the future.

        If only I could stop time, I think that would be the end of my pursuit of happiness... I really think I would be happy if I could relive days like this forever.

        Monday, May 31, 2010

        exhausting day!

        me: yeah yeah
        7:59 PM this was the most exhausting day of my life
        quick summary:
        got woke up at 8 AM
        12 PM- got rejected by like 5 people to go to the movies with me
        8:00 PM 1 PM- Jimmy and i go to movies at lbtc
        3:40 pm- finish watching prince of persia
        go shopping
        4pm- start WALKING back to cerritos
        Vivian: ...
        you walked.
        6:30 PM- went to my uncles house to pick oranges, and i had to climb the stupid trees and i got cut
        7pm got home and very hungry, asked my sister to make me a sandwich but she left to go OUt to eat with colosseum and friends
        so i had to make my own sandwich
        and my dad just ditched me
        8:02 PM so i'm home alone
        Vivian: ..where'd your dad go?
        me: my uncle bought a new house
        they went to go see it
        Vivian: why don't you go see it too.
        me: cuz i'm tired
        i just wanna eat my oranges!!

        Sunday, May 30, 2010

        Zinch and other online scholarship thingies

        so i'm preparing for college by applying for a lot of scholarships using websites such as Zinch, Naviance Succeed, and ScholarshipExperts.

        use my referral link!

        Friday, May 28, 2010


        i was going to post it on fb, but decided against it.

        so! short blurb about random things.

        i get annoyed so easily these days. i'm cheerful and giddy one moment, and pissed off the next by just the TINIEST little thing someone does. and i know it's unreasonable and child-ish to act this way, but i can't help it. AND I'M NOT PMS-ING.

        little things that piss me off:
        -when annoying people talk to me
        -when people i care about don't talk to me
        -when people ask me if i'm okay- when i'm obviously not okay, or even worse, when i am!
        -when people whine/complain to me
        -when people don't take my whining and complaining
        -when people answer in one word answers
        -when people touch my hair from the top of my head
        -when people ask how many colors my hair is/ state how many colors my hair is
        -when people randomly act really nice to me (LOL)
        -when people call me by my old name
        -when i say hi to someone and they don't/ don't see/hear
        -when people don't hear what i say the first 2 times

        as you can see, i have some major issues. haha!
        it's kind of hard for me to write about stuff that annoys me right now because i am feeling much more chipper already. GOSH MOOD SWING.

        i probably shouldn't publish this on fb, because it might offend some people who have done things under my annoying list. D;