My stress level is so high right now. arghhh!!!
This summer was supposed to be my summer of productivity. I expected myself to do so many things. But now, with less than a month left, everywhere I look I see my failures- my barely touched guzheng, barely played saxophone, piano that I SWORE I would practice every single day in hopes of skipping a CM level again and proving my piano teacher wrong. My violin that I wanted to practice at least 3 times a week just to keep my violin teacher happy and redeem myself at the recital in October after failing last year... I come to my desk and see the opened pages of my Spanish textbook that I still can't understand. My Algebra 2 notes and workbooks that remind me of how bad I am at math. Daddy's right. I do suck at math. Even though I'm a year ahead and all that crap, I don't actually GET it. I just stumble through everything and get the grades.
I walk by the sewing machine and remember how I wanted to make a lot of clothes and design so much stuff... but I only made one lonely pair of pants.
My Cerritos College Catalog on the ground that I threw days ago in frustration because I didn't sign up for my classes in time, and now they're all full. My entire book shelf that's constantly in my face, filled with all the books I never read, the Chinese I never studied, the French I never finished.
I go to sleep at midnight every night VOWING to not do the same the next day so that I can actually keep up my morning routine, but failing myself over and over again. )=
The school year hasn't even started and I'm already super stressed. What will I be like when I have 7 classes in the day and a shitload of homework? AGHHASLDHWUITOEHREOSHFLDSKHF