I was heating up leftover pizza in a pan, over the stove 10 minutes ago when the doorbell rang. My first thought was, Shit, what do I do? because I had always been warned about getting kidnapped/raped/murdered, especially when it's so dark outside, like it was 10 minutes ago. At first I didn't do anything, but then I thought, What if it's a bunch of robbers who are seeing if there's anyone home before coming in? Because then I would be in big trouble. I don't even have my water gun filled with vinegar yet! So I ran upstairs to look through the window and see if there was a vehicle, or a gang, or something.
There was a big, brown UPS truck. Why is UPS working so late? I wondered Do UPS people usually work this late?. I ran down stairs, just in case it was an emergency package that needed my signature, but as I was running, I grew suspicious, What if it's a trap?! What if it's a bunch of smart robbers who are using a UPS truck to lure little girls to open the door, and then kidnap them! But I went down stairs anyway, and I turned on the porch light, to find no one there. I opened the door, and there was a package from Amazon waiting for me on the ground.
I immediately felt foolish. I wondered if the UPS delivery man (or woman, I don't know, but usually they're men because they can lift heavy packages) was tired. It's about dinner time now, and he's probably not home yet. I wonder if he had a good day. Did his boss yell at him for being slow and make him work extra? Did he feel guilty about working too slow today and therefore disciplined himself to finish delivering all his packages? Or maybe my package a special one and absolutely had to get delivered today, and he's still muttering to himself about what snobs we are, making him deliver so late. Did he cuss at me under his breath when I didn't open the door fast enough, and made him stand in the cold for an extra 15 seconds before leaving? Is he going home now, or does he have 23 more packages? Does he not want to go home? Maybe he and his wife have been fighting, and he'd rather work. Is he getting paid for overtime? Does he like his job? Did he always want to become a UPS delivery man, wearing a brown uniform with brown shorts everyday? Was he a shame to his family for not becoming a doctor? Or was his family proud of him for doing what he wanted? Is he happy with his life?
These are all the questions that rolled in my head as I stood over the stove, eating leftover pizza, which I burned because I left the stove on during this whole time.
WHY DO I THINK SO MUCH?
6 comments:
that, is a lot of questions.
that, is a lot of questions.
i didn't see the blog owner approval thing! so i just sent the same comment twice :(
I don't know how late UPS employees work, but I believe I have seen those trucks out past 7, so it's probably not anything out of the ordinary.
I hope you've calmed down since asking all of those questions. If it was me in that situation, I might have acted similarly (although not to the extent you did). It's might be comforting to talk to yourself and answer all of those questions yourself. Remember: it's not crazy if no one's watching!
HAHAHA you're so funny!
well if it's any consolation, you're only a little crazy; I turn just as many questions in my head about any such situation, except usually it's about chairs:
did I hurt the chair when I tipped it over? did it know that it was going to fall right before falling? Was it happy to get some excitement through the change of position rather than standing there all day?
^ Now THAT's crazy. =D
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