With only one week left of my first term of college, I've decided to take exactly 16 minutes of my Friday night in the library to reflect a bit:
Firstly, I want to say that college is hard. I sincerely hope that my views about college's difficulties change over time because I don't know if I can live like this for four years. And I'm not talking about academics, either. I can deal with tough classes and a big workload; I'm used to trying hard in school. The difficult part for me (which is what I've both feared the most and looked forward to the most from the start) is the social aspect. Life is just... different.
I'm much more aware of my identity than ever before - my ethnic background, my west coast-ness that people always comment on, my hair color, my sexuality - and I can't say if it's a good awareness or a bad awareness. I'm just more conscious.
A lot of people here have the same problems and concerns with the college and it's nice to know I'm not the only one. I've done things I'm not proud of (already, ugh!) but I'm also amazed at myself for being able to cope so well (ie. walking to the skating rink for 7:45 AM practice in 31 degree weather).
My next term is gonna suck in terms of scheduling but hopefully I'll have adjusted better. For now, I can't wait to start my 6 weeks of winter break in the Bay Area with Elliott. Just gotta get through this next week of finals.
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