14th birthday

I had a lovely birthday yesterday, and i am 101% thankful to all my friends for being so wonderful, and to those people who i rarely talk to that wished me happy birthday on facebook. and my parents actually remembered it was my birthday by the time i went to violin, so they bought me a cake. my dad didn't go to china for other reasons, but i'm glad that he was here.

Despite all this, i still wish to stop aging. I would have wished for that yesterday, but it's kind of stupid to wish to stop turning old on the day you're officially one year older. I guess I have a fear of getting old. Everyday I think about how I can never relive the previous day. Or year. I wish I could stay 13 forever.

I like hugs, though. (=

Stuff/Guilt/time

I find that often times I expect too much of myself. I guess you can say that I am an overachiever. Or, that I want to be. There is so much that I want to do with my life, time can't seem to slow down for me to do those things.

But distractions such as the internet keep me from accomplishing what I want to do. Although it's a small thing, Facebook lengthens the time it takes me to do homework by a long time. And after I'm finally done, late at night, I yell at myself internally for making such a bad decision, looking up someone's profile when I should be finishing up geometry. I tell myself not to do that again, but find myself in the same position 24 hours later. Why? Sometimes, it's not that I don't try to stay away. I really do. I locked myself in my closet last night and turned off the internet connection on my laptop hoping that peace and quiet would help me efficiently do history homework. However, I realized that distractions have become a habit for me. I can't concentrate on the task anymore. I have to do something after each math problem. My focus and attention span are going downhill.

So the guilt increases, day by day.

And now I'm stressed because I procrastinate. I know it's normal for many people. However, part of my New Year's Resolution for the year of 2010 was to not procrastinate. Yet, I am now overwhelmed with projects, tests, piano CM test, band festival, social...

Things never seem to end. I wonder when, if the time ever comes, that I find myself with nothing to do but achieve all the goals I write down for myself.

some things

there are some things
i wish to forget,
but then i think
about how different life would be
if these things did not happen.
so i find myself grateful
for these events,
and i realize that
that is all i can do
about some things.

hey, i'm actually pretty proud of myself for coming up with this!

bipolar

maybe i really AM bipolar, like vivian says.
i change my mind often. maybe i just think too much. i worry frequently as well, contrary to what many people think.

haha, okay bye.

Sometimes life sucks.

it really does. I don't know what I want anymore, and sometimes it's hard to see the point in many activities.

But then again, no one knows what the point of life is.

And, I know I sound like a snobby brat who isn't thankful enough for having a nice family and a nice place to live and being able to go to school. I am glad I have all of that.

See, now I feel guilty for complaining.

Life sucks.

writing

Sometimes, I don't know what to do with life. I'm so busy all the time. I can't seem to balance things to do at home. There are so many activities I wish I had time for: writing, drawing, painting, exercising...

But there are only 24 hours in a day, and a third of which is spent at school, another third sleeping, leaving only 8 short hours for productivity. Another 3 for eating and hygiene (this variable may vary), and about 2 hours doing nothing in particular (aka. Facebook). What does that leave us with? 3 hours. Three hours per day to achieve self actualization. (I got that from The Princess Diaries) Did I calculate that right? Please correct me if I made a mistake.

The point is, there isn't much time to get things done. I'm not a great organizer, either, which doesn't help.

Sooo anyway, I was going to talk about this thing called Dr. Wicked's Write Or Die.
You basically put in the amount of words you want to write in a certain amount of time, and it times you. Very simple. But it really helps. You can choose a setting and grace. It watches you and makes sure you keep typing, and if it feels like you're not focusing, it'll flash and bring you back. It also stays on that page if you get distracted by another web page or browser (aka Facebook). Try it out, it helps.

I wrote this (123 words) in 8 minutes.

This morning, I woke up to the smell of fresh cinnamon crepes. It lured me out of my oh-so-comfortable bed, and carried me down stairs. Barely opening my eyes, I sat down in my seat, reached for the fork next to me, and started to dig into the golden crisp filled with fresh strawberries. "Mmm..." was the sound of my satisfaction as I took the first bite.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" a voice shrieked, causing me to snap my eyes open.

"Jesus Christ, Jie Ji, you nearly caused me a heart attack. I'm just eating, geez," I replied, slightly annoyed.

"Did I SAY you could eat my crepe? I don't think so. Give it back; it's MY breakfast."

"What's with you this morning? Sor-ry."

By the way, this incident did not occur in real life.

THAT'S WHAT CINDY SAID

i created a new blog, "That's What Cindy Said" for talking about specific things such as entertainment, books, reviews, and stuff. this will be more like a personal diary-ish one. I will reuse many of the same or similar posts on each; this one will just be more random.

http://thatswhatcindysaid.blogspot.com/