Why do I care? A few random thoughts...

There are countless numbers of subjects that I would rather not know about. And sometimes it's a lot easier to ignore them, pretend I don't know, or just not do anything.

I don't like knowing about scary things like cancer or murders on the news. They don't relate to me, and I can't do anything about them. So why should I care? It's easier to just ignore them, to tell myself that none of those things would ever affect me.

I don't want to know about people smoking, or even worse, doing drugs. It would be a lot easier if I didn't care. After all, if people want to gradually kill themselves, who am I to give a fuck? Why is it that I can't stop picturing them throwing their cigarettes on the ground and leaving? And this never ending guilt because I didn't tell them to pick up their shit.

Maybe everything would just be a lot easier if I didn't care so much about life. People die everyday; people I never knew, never cared about. I never shed a tear for them. Should I? What difference would it make?

Yet, I would mourn for eternity if any of my beloved friends and family left. Just one person, and my whole world would be different. But it's just one person.

As always, I think too much.

Everyday,

Everyday, I look in the mirror, but sometimes I don't recognize myself.

Is it my hair? Glasses? For some reason, I don't think so.

Everyday, something happens that contributes to who I am.

I am a different person everyday.

Internally Debating

The more that time passes by, the more I can not believe what happened.

After pondering the subject for a while, I think, "Oh, okay... I got it." It's surprising for me still, and I'm not pleased about it, but I kind of understand. When I forget about said subject for an hour, or even just minutes, and then re-enter the topic in my head, I am shocked all over again.

I am still internally debating whether this knowledge is good for me. I guess you could say I am not so innocent anymore.

There's nothing I can do anyway.

Messy Day

Life sucks. Today was the messiest day I had ever experienced.

And it's not just about 8th grade social drama.

I can't believe how things play out sometimes.

I don't know. I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there forever, excluding myself from the world. Or maybe I'll become Amish.