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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Nostalgia and Lack of Love

Have I ranted on this subject before? I feel like I have, but I can't be sure, and I' too lazy to check. Either way, I would like to rant/rant further.

I hate it when people don't feel the same way as I do at the same time. I know it sounds ridiculous to even ask that sort of thing of someone, but it makes me so sad when I'm not on the same page as someone, emotionally. (When do I ever NOT talk about emotional things?? haha) For example, I visit the Facebook page of an old friend's. I look through our past photos, conversations, and reminisce about our old memories. I leave a post on their wall saying, "HI, I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU, WE SHOULD HANG OUT!" they reply the next day with a, "HEEY CINDY. OKAY <3" Now that sounds all fine and dandy, but how do I know they didn't just type that in a quarter of a second, and then forgot about me and carried on with life, without thinking how much I really missed them? Sometimes it's the other way around, and I don't realize what I've done until I'm all lonely/got it done to me. It sucks how we're not all telepathic. I'm just super nostalgic all the time.

I hate love songs, especially good ones. I know that THAT really sounds ridiculous, because why would anyone like bad love songs? Well, bad songs don't make me feel anything. They're just there for me to hum while changing, and to sing at the top of my lungs while biking. There are no feelings or emotions involved, and I forget about them in half a year, and move on to the other crappy songs. What drives me crazy though, is when there's a song that I really like. Now, there are two possibilities that can come out of my great like for a song-
1) I listen to it so much that I get sick of it and want to puke at the sound of it. (I've talked about this in an earlier post); and
2) It makes me want to cry/puke/do both the first time I hear it, especially in love songs.

The first possibility means that the song is nice, but not extremely good, since I can still stand to hear it 100 times before I can't stand it. I still want to hum and sing it for the time being, which, by transitive property, means that it has some crappy qualities about it. But like I said, still nice. The latter possibility only applies to songs that are amazing. They're so good that I can't listen to it anymore or else I will seriously cry/puke/do both. The reason why this occurs in good love songs a lot is because:
1) Most songs are about love; and
2) I hate love songs
Maybe I'm just pessimistic because romantic love is not a subject I'm too comfortable with. It would take another blog post to explain all of that, but basically, I don't think I'll ever find love like that. I'm much too judgmental, selfish, and unrealistic. Quick blurb:

2:48 AM x: So how long did that relationship last?
 me: approximately 2 weeks
 ex: -.-
  That's not a full relationship then!
  You can't let yourself say
  I don't want another relationship
  Just from that D:
 me: i knowwww
  but still
  i just can' imagine myself
  ever getting married
  or actually loving someone
2:49 AM i don't even think i liked him at all!
 x: That's why I don't look at
  Looks first

I'll talk about this more later. I've got finals to study for. Waaahhh I wish I could just blog all day long.

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