Please help my school win some very needed $!

We're trying to build a multi-media center and we need to raise a lot of money fast so that it can be built before I graduate!

Kohl's is giving away $500,000 to the school with the most votes, so please vote and support us! Gretchen Whitney High, Cerritos CA

Painting! :D

So I finally got around to painting, and I decided to try oil painting! I've never used oil colors before, even in my art class I took in kindergarten.

Yes, I know there is a white spot in the branches but I was too lazy to fill it in.

I'm v. proud of myself (= I used MAX Grumbacher oil colors that Jie ji and I bought at the side walk sale of Art Warehouse(?).

)= )=

'Tis Friday.

Oh woe!
Oh woeful woeful woeful day,
Most lamentable day, most hateful day!
Never was seen so black a day as this.
Oh woeful day, Oh woeful day.

BECAUSE MY LETTER DIDN'T COME!! and I have violin in half an hour )=

I F'd Up )=

So today is Tuesday. Tuesdays are SUPPOSED to be my good days. My somewhat free days. I don't have much scheduled besides the normal math class and maybe a meeting. For the majority of the afternoon, I have nothing urgent; therefore, Tuesdays are Cindy's Days of Relaxation. and laziness. and sitting on my butt all day watching hair tutorial videos. )= I don't get my act together until 9 PM,when it's too late to get anything done without staying up late and regretting it even more the next morning.

Today was my chance to follow the 7 Habits and be and Effective Teen. )= But I f'd up, once again.

No such thing as a selfless deed?

I remember a long long time ago I read a book (I really really can't remember the title )= ) where this boy said there was no such thing as a selfless deed, and the girl kept trying to prove him wrong. She even let a honey bee sting her. WHICH WAS REALLY STUPID, 'CAUSE HONEY BEES DIE WHEN THEY STING SOMEONE/SOMETHING. But she didn't know that, and she thought the bee wanted to sting her, so she let it. ANYWAYS, I thought I agreed because it's true that most of the time, when I'm nice to people, it is because I want something from them; maybe just for them to be nice back to me. I guess it's not being selfish, but it's not completely selfless either.

BUT for the past few days, I haven't been entering in a few of the Seventeen.com giveaways. Usually, I would enter everything in hopes of winning SOMETHING. Because, if I won it and didn't like it, I could always sell it on ebay, or gift it to one of my friends as a birthday present or something. However, since last week, I decided to not enter in the Gossip Girl Season 3 freebie or a lot of the Express swimsuits. Why? Because I am not a Gossip Girl fan and I was not particularly interested in those swimsuits. If I WERE a fan and absolutely wanted those bikinis, I would have appreciated it if someone who didn't really want them didn't enter, so that I would have a better chance of winning. Even though those people don't know that I just gave them a 0.001% better chance of winning whatever they wanted, I did it anyway... I THINK THAT'S PRETTY SELFLESS :D

...or as selfless as you can get. 'Cause, NOW, it's not very selfless that I'm writing about it and that I feel really gracious. So I guess it was so that I feel better about being a person. blegh. whatever. 

1001 Quotes

keke I'm going to make a list quotes/phrases I like, just like my 1001 favorite books list. It will fill up as time goes on. In NO order:

1.  “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
2. “If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”
3. "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder."
4. "Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out."
5. "If you care about what others think, you will always be their prisoner." -James Frey
6. "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do..."
   - M. Twain
7. "Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
   -Robert Frost 
8. “People will always talk about you, especially when they envy you and the life you live. Let them... you affected their lives, they didn't affect yours.”
9. “Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares.”
10. "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."   
11. "I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold." 
12. "Bad artists copy. Great artists steal."
    -Pablo Picasso
13. I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
    -John Burroughs  
14. Life is never easy for those who dream.
    -Robert James Waller 
15. Life well spent is long.
    -Leonardo da Vinci  
16.  May you live every day of your life. [HAHAHAHHAHA]
    -Jonathan Swift
17.  There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.
    -Robert Louis Stevenson
18. To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.
    -Emily Dickinson  [Somehow, this makes sense :O]
19. You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.
    -Albert Camus
20. Your life is what your thoughts make it.
    -Marcus Aurelius  
21.  "I'm going to stop procrastination- sometime soon."
22. "Tomorrow, I'm going to be more assertive- if that's okay with you." 
23. I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone." -Bill Cosby
24. "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!"
25. "All my possessions for one moment of time." -Queen Elizabeth I
26. "To realize the value of One Year,
    Ask a student who failed his or her AP exams.
    To realize the value of One Month,
    Ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
    To realize the value of One Week,
    Ask an editor of a weekly magazine.
    To realize the value of One Day,
    Ask a daily wage laborer who has six kids to feed.
    To realize the value of One Hour,
    Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
    To realize the value of One Minute,
    Ask a person who missed their train.
    To realize the value of One Second,
    Ask the person who survived an accident
    To realize the value of One Millisecond,
    Ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics."
27. "Would you tell me please which way I ought to walk from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. "I don't care much where-" said Alice. "Then it doesn't matter which way to walk," said the Cat.

It's funny how

people who are supposed to be close to you, the ones who you could call your best friends a couple months ago, have no clue what's going on in your life right now. Of course, people still think we're tight, but we're not. We never talk. We don't email each other funny videos we found on youtube just because we thought it would crack each other up. We don't call each other to watch a movie over the weekend, and sometimes don't even acknowledge each other on facebook. It's funny how we used to know each other so well, but now it's almost like we never did. )=

I love you

I love you, I know this must come as something of a surprise, since all I've ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn't matter. I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now than when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. I know I cannot compete with the Countess in skills or wisdom or appeal, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw the way you looked at her. But remember, please, that she is old and has other interests, while I am seventeen and for me there is only you. Dearest Westley--I've never called you that before, have I?--Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley,--darling Westley, adored Westley, sweet perfect Westley, whisper that I have a chance to win your love.

-The Princess Bride , still one of my favorite books of all time!

I'd like to..

not be so self-conscious. Why do I always care about what I look like to others?

Maybe because I am too judgmental of people, so I worry that other people think the same way as I do, and look at me like I sometimes look at them. )=

Quick note!

If you leave a comment, especially on older posts, I probably will never read them. I thought I get emailed when someone leaves a comment, but apparently I don't, and I don't know how to change that setting. SO, I don't know when/if you leave a comment, and I rarely check the bottom of my posts, just to let you know. But when I do see your comment, I appreciate them very very very much. :D SO LEAVE COMMENTS EVEN THOUGH I PROBABLY WON'T SEE THEM UNTIL A FEW WEEKS LATER.

But now that I have realized this, I will probably check more frequently, SO LEAVE COMMENTS BECAUSE I WILL SEE THEM ;D

Interesting

SO, I promised myself I would TRY TO be completely honest for 7 days. Now, 6 days. I will avoid lying, even little white lies. Because you don't know this; no one knows this besides my journal, but I lie A LOT. It's really quite crazy how much I lie. And all of it sounds so real, that sometimes I believe my lies. (Yeah, I have bad memory, and when I tell a story over and over again to people, with my lies incorporated in it, I just forget about the truth...) It happens quite often.

SO, for the next 6 days, I will be honest to myself and others.

FIRST TRUTH:

I know I'm lazy )= Mother is right. I sit on my butt all day long when I should be practicing violin or doing piano theory. I read my guiltily-interesting-but-shallow books until 12 AM, and then not wake up early enough to go running. I kick myself for not running that day, and promise to run the next, but somehow the same routine goes on, until my body is so used to waking up at 10 AM that I get mad at Mama for waking me up at 8. And I still don't go running at 8 because I'm pissed at Mama for waking me up. (I hate getting woken up by people. Alarms are okay, because they're set by myself. I hate people telling me what to do.) And then I feel guilty for getting mad at Mama when I should be mad at myself. So I get mad at myself and I sit here and type this. LOL.

But I'm mad at mama anyways for telling me I should study more. NOW, I think I have a good excuse to be upset: Firstly, I DO study. I stay after my shift at the library even though I'm starving, and I look for educational books on Algebra II, Trigonometry, Pre-Calculus, Spanish, etc. I go to Borders after the library and sit there and study math. I come home with the books I borrowed from the library and do exercises from them. I take SAT II Chinese practice tests online. I do those SAT daily practice questions that are emailed to me. But apparently that's not enough, because I always save time to read my Allure and Glamour and InStyle magazines at the end of the day. )= I LIKE MY MAGAZINES. GOSH. (btw, Seventeen Magazine has daily freebie contests at http://seventeen.com/freebies. You might need codewords for some stuff, which you can find in the magazine. Just go to the library or borders to look at one and write down the codewords. ^_^ Also, most of the codewords are a part of the name of the prize. LOL.)

SO GO AWAY, MOTHER. I'm exaggerating a little though. My parents are usually pretty chill when it comes to academics. My mom just likes having authority over people, and telling them what to do/ should do. It just so happens that I hate it when people tell me what to, because I inherited her genes, and I like being the boss too.

Okay. Gonna go read THE COLLEGE HANDBOOK, which is like 3 times bigger than the dictionary -____-. But then I reward myself by reading INTRODUCTION TO PSYCHOLOGY. (If you didn't know, I'm really interested in psychology and therapy, but I am banned by Mother from becoming a psychologist.)

you efsjdhvffffff

gahh one of these days, i am sURE to shoot myself. only i don't have a gun.

but OHHMYGOD, it's so hard to be nice to mama when she's telling me i'm a useless lazy duckhead. GOSH.

Change

I just re-read all my posts from 2008 and skimmed a few from 2009.

I really wish I wrote more around November and December '09. I suddenly changed the way I viewed life. It's so weird. What was I thinking at the time? When did I snap? I kind of know why though. But I still wish I wrote about it more.

Yeah, I can look through my journals, but I'm too lazy to find the right one since I wrote so many. ^_^

It's been a week and three days and Vince still hasn't written back. )=


-Monday, July 12th add-in-

BY THE WAY, Vince did write back ^_^

OH MY FASDFHJKSGAFYGSHITSDJK

I've never felt so screwed over in my life!!!! no actually i have, but

asdlfhaskdfuwefhLAJSYHRUIH*&%^*t4GRKGB NOOOOOOOO

i'm so stupid.

AND ALSO, ALEX WONG GOT KICKED OFF OF SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE BECAUSE HE HAD AN INJURY FROM DANCING THE ROUTINE FOR THE SHOW!! THAT'S SOO UNFAIR. STUPID RACIST JUDGES. just kidding, but I'm still sad )=

AHHHHHHHHHHH -bangs head on desk and gets cerritos college catalog stuck on forehead-

Things to do

Sometimes, my mind STILL can't figure out that it's summer. -______-

I know it's pretty stupid, but I always think, "Oh, hmm I have to remember to do that when I have time, in the summer!" One minute later... "Oh crap, it IS summer -______-".

THINGS I WANT TO DO WHEN I HAVE TIME:

-Paint
-Draw
-Dance
-Chinese
-SAT Studying
-Read (FIND &FINISH I AM THE MESSENGER!!!)
-Spanish
-French
-Write
-Saxophone
-Piano
-Violin
-Chinese Zither
-Guitar
-Badminton
-Cook
-Piano Theory
-Keep room clean
-Play with chickens
-Feed fish everyday
-Go to the animal shelter
-Study Alg. II
-Go running EVERY morning
-Do off-ice jumps (even though I might never do ON-ice jumps again)
-Go skating ?!?
-Skateboard again
-Go biking in the afternoons
-Stretch and become flexible again
-Make myself a schedule to do said things.

So why don't I do stuff I want to do?

Because I'm stupid. and lazy. and there's Facebook and Youtube.

)=

BUT, I will start taking things off my list as I start doing them. TODAY, I'm going to Modern Dance (in an hour!) and Spanish at night. Yay! We'll see how it goes.

Tutoring

SOO I really really want to start tutoring kids, preferably incoming 7th graders and 8th graders. Yeah, I'm only in 9th grade, but to be honest, I really liked Algebra and Geometry. Especially Geometry, because I had a high A the whole year ^_^. Algebra was okay for me, and I want to tutor Algebra I because I'm going to be learning Algebra II this year, and tutoring Algebra would give me a quick review on that stuff. Algebra is also the foundation for everything else learned in high school, so it's really important to know what you're doing.

SO IF YOU NEED HELP, ASK ME!